2013 and Beyond

It's 2:05 on a Monday and I'm sitting here at work without a thing to do. To the half dozen or so of you that read what little there is here anymore, I hope your holidays were great. Mine were this year. I didn't shirk any family obligations (three in a week) as it isn't lost on me that any Christmas from here on out is likely to be minus one or two family members sitting around the table next Christmas. Not only that, but for the first time, I thought of the family members that I can personally help (I think) though their own respective difficulties and brought them a gift toward that end. I felt good about that. I had a genuine feeling of love and appreciation for family this year. I got a nice card from my Mom a few days ago, saying how appreciative she was, so I guess the feeling was pretty mutual all around.

Just after Christmas, I was alarmed that a dear friend and co-worker of mine was in a potentially serious accident. Although I was told she was okay, I had just passed her (in the accident) not five minutes before. It was an icy morning; the kind where ditched, stranded cars are a common site. As I passed the accident scene along a busy highway, I was looking at the bottom of her car. I assumed (wrongly) that it had happened a while before (having no idea my friend was in that car), as there were no rescue personnel on hand and I had assumed the car was left that way.

When I got to work another co-worker met me in the parking lot and told me what had happened. "That was Val" I said incredulously?? I immediately got back in the car and went back to the scene. The rescue people had arrived. She was just getting out of a police car when I found her and asked if she was alright. She looked shaken but shook her head yes.

In the hours that followed, I thought a lot about what had happened. I realized the mistakes I had made and it had an impact on me. I concluded (correctly I believe) that when I passed her, the accident had happened only minutes before. *I* should have been the first responder. I should have stopped. I shouldn't have assumed. Worse, she must've been terrified climbing out through the sunroof with the car perched precariously on it's side. What if she had gotten halfway out and the car fell on her? She would have been crushed. She would have been dead. It's unthinkable. It weighed heavily on me.

A few days later I told her all this. She said "you didn't know it was me." That's true, but that doesn't matter. I should have looked to see if anyone was in the car. Anyone. I should have been mindful enough to do that.

I'm not much on New Year's resolutions but having hit 50 in 2012, it changes my perspective in a significant way. It's a real wake up call. I look at it as, I've got 10 more good years to work with (perhaps more but let's stay conservative and focused). 10 more years before the sun really starts to go down. So for the year and the decade ahead, here's what I vow to do:

1. Be more mindful. Of myself and of other people. This is something I've tried to do for the past 10 years with varying degrees of effectiveness. Now I must take it up a notch. Pay more attention. When I see a way to help, help. Give money and time, as  freely as possible. There are many people (and many animals) who need so much help.

2. Try to be around people more. Try to enjoy the company more. After busying myself with "stuff" Saturday, on Sunday, I found myself with nothing to do. It was a beautiful day. I thought, "I should do something…" - what?  "I should go somewhere"… where? I find myself in this situation a lot. I can only entertain myself just so far.

3. Read more. This is a habit I've really gotten away from this past year. Not good. I could make the resolution to read a book a month but that's probably a little ambitious. One every two months will suffice. The thing is, DO IT. It makes me feel much more alive and it makes me a better conversationalist. I plan on getting this, out tomorrow.

4. Take as many ambitious vacations as I can. See the world. I will definitely take at least one this year.

5. Laugh more, and love more.

If I can do those five things (and I can), the years between 50 and 60 will validate my life, built on the foundation of all the years before. Anything more is a bonus. And "13" is my lucky number.

The Day After

It's finally over. And nothing's changed. The president is still the president, the Senate is still the Senate (D) and the House is still the House (R).

Though my guy won, I'm not celebrating. I don't think it's a time to celebrate. I'm praying for some cooperation between Republicans and Democrats.

I'm not the most politically savvy person, but I've watched this campaign since it began. To be honest, I didn't know who I was going to vote for until Election Day. I say that because we're in deep, deep debt and I felt like Romney might do a better job of fixing that (at the expense of what I don't know but I know). I believe that Romney is a financial fixer. That's what he does and I don't have as much confidence in President Obama where that is concerned. On the other hand, all other issues go to Obama.

After Obama was declared the winner, I saw Republican strategists — within the hour — say that they have to re-define the Republican party for the 21st century. That's absolutely right. They have to accept that gays and lesbians are productive members of our society. They have to accept that undocumented immigrants are here and productive members of our society, doing jobs that no American will do. They have to know that statements like "even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that is something that God intended to happen" are never going to fly. They have to accept that America is culturally, ethnically, and socially diverse and only getting more so all the time. The days of The Heterosexual White Man only going to the polls are long gone.

My fear is that — even now — Republicans don't learn lessons.

Now that Mitch McConnell's declaration that their "single most important goal is to stop Obama from winning a second term" is lost, how about some cooperation? Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton did it. So did Tip O'Neill and Ronald Reagan. There is a reason this congress has the dubious distinction of having the lowest approval rating in history, and that's it.

Uncompromising ideologues, Left or Right, have no place in government.

Unremarkable

From my perspective, most of middle-aged life is pretty unremarkable. I know mine is, but I'm not talking about just me. As I look around me, my observations tell me that the same is true for most other people in my general age demographic. Of course, for me personally, it takes something really BIG to consider it "remarkable." Anything short of the mark, you (my friends) will never know about it, as I consider it unremarkable and therefore do you the favor of withholding it from you; one less unremarkable thing to unclutter your day. For others, what they had for breakfast is REMARKABLE!, as proclaimed on their Facebook wall… at least, last time I checked it was (I have those people hidden).

I always feel bad that I appear to be complaining when I attempt to explicate my constant introspections. I hate that it seems that way; that the world tends to judge only in the black and white terms of either "positive" or "negative".

I'm not complaining. : )

I don't think to consider life "unremarkable" is to consider life "bad." Not at all. 2012, for me personally, has in fact been a pretty remarkable year — to me. Just… not to you. I've had one of the busiest, most productive years of my life.

The thing is, the older I get, the less disconcerting I find life to be, which is ironic. The irony being, I'm at the point in my life where all bets are off. Career, love, health, home, family — all high stakes game changers at 50. Forget all the conventional wisdom because there comes a point where none of it applies anymore. I'm there. If you're not yet there, you will be. Yet, it's every single one of your collective life experiences that will help see you through to the end.

I'm going to miss this story of three unremarkable guys very much. They're all really good, likeable guys, but fairly disparate personalities. Put another way, if you combined them all, they're Everyman at 50.

Joe Tranelli - Joe owns a party store. He is freshly divorced after 20 years and has a teenaged daughter and son. He is a scratch golfer (if you don't play, that means par or better, i.e., he's really good) with aspirations of making the senior pro tour. Joe is a bit neurotic and socially awkward and he has a skeleton in the closet — he's a gambling addict.

Owen Thoreau, Jr. - Owen is happily married to a wonderful woman and they have two boys. He is the heir apparent to his semi-famous father's Chevrolet dealership. His father, Owen Sr., was a bench warming Los Angeles Laker back in the day. Owen is constantly trying to prove himself to his overbearing father, and as he assumes more responsibility, struggles to save the badly mismanaged dealership.

Terry Elliot - An aging, aimless actor with an unremarkable career, Terry is a good natured, likable man whore. Perpetually single, Terry definitely has a way with women. After a while, aimless Terry tries his hand at selling cars, hired by his good friend Owen.

The unremarkable lives of Joe, Owen, and Terry are pretty remarkable and SPOT. ON.  I'm going to miss these guys.

Maybe life just seems unremarkable because in our real moments, some great song doesn't kick in like it does on TV.

Doubt is Humble

I've really been wanting to write lately, but as usual, I really have nothing to talk about. Since my last post, my 50th birthday came and went, I moved to new house, and … and nothing. Not even blogworthy.

Though I would have preferred to spin a good yarn of my own here, I accidentally stumbled upon Bill Maher's Religulous the other night and it made quite an impression on me. Well, parts anyway.

I'm not a big Bill Maher fan. He's a smart guy, but more often than not I find him condescending to the point of being offensive, which is probably why I don't go looking for stuff he's in. That said, while channel surfing across Religulous the other night, I paused, and it quickly had my attention.

The pleasant surprise for me of Religulous isn't that Maher's main objective is to generally blow holes in religion and instead (just as dogmatically) beat the Atheism drum (which is what I expected), but to examine why many otherwise smart, rational, thinking human beings so readily accept — without question — why they believe what they believe about God. Religious takes an agnostic stand. No matter what or how strongly you believe or don't believe, by whatever name you call God, however sure some people are there is no God, what happens when we die?

We. Don't. Know. — Nobody knows.

“faith means making a virtue out of not thinking ”

Religulous is mostly filled with Maher interviewing religious crackpots, which is what makes it funny. Had he interviewed religious scholars instead, I suspect the juxtaposition between perspectives would have been much more in line with each other, allowing for other possibilities. But of course, then it wouldn't be funny.

I think having some faith (whether it be in God, or something as ordinary as a good outcome to any everyday problem) is a good thing. Because without any faith at all in anything is to live a cynical, nihilistic life — this life, here and now, nevermind an afterlife. But I've always questioned my faith, and I think that's a good thing.

“the only appropriate attitude for man to have about the ‘big questions’ is not the arrogant certitude that is the hallmark of religion, but doubt. Doubt is humble, and that's what man needs to be.”

Very well said, Bill Maher.

Last 90 seconds of Religulous:

What I Want For My Birthday

If I had something that resembled a superpower, it would be my ability to predict the outcome of most any event in my life. Oh, I don't mean stuff like where I'm going to be five years from now. I'm talking about smaller things, short range "events" that spring up on my calendar every month (well, most months). I'm not kidding; I've got it down so cold, my error in judgment is usually +/- 5%. There's almost nothing that happens to me that I don't see coming, or even if I don't, I'm not surprised by it if it occurs. Perhaps I should start a third career as an actuary.

There's an upside and a downside to this "power" of mine. The upside is, it's useful. It helps me keep my expectations in check and it gives me a keen sense of who I might encounter and how said event is going to unfold. I probably don't have to tell you the downside.

It's boring. Almost painfully boring.

So what do I want?

I want to be surprised. I want life to surprise me. And obviously I'm not talking about surprises like, "hey, John, guess what? You've got cancer!" or "Hi, we're with the IRS and we're going to need to see all your receipts from the past 15 years."

No, I'm talking about a surprise like (knock, knock, knock)…"Hi, are you John?" I'm Lisa Rinna, and I'm here to be your girlfriend and then your wife." Or (phone rings)… "Hi. John? We just came across your portfolio; LOVE your work! We were wondering if you'd be interested in working for us. We could start you at $98,000 a year…" (yeah, I know...realistic much?) How about this — just to find a passion for something new that makes life exciting again.

Don't misunderstand me. I'm not complaining. I love life. I love my life. I really do. I'm blessed in many ways.

I'm just wishing for a little spice. Nothing spicy has happened to me in a long time.

I want serendipity. Something that breathes new life into me… and I never saw it coming.